Domestic Dynamics
by Dizzydodo
Summary: In which Garrus and Shepard try to work out their domestic dynamics. Garrus seems to think he's in charge. Shepard thinks that's adorable. Kinkmeme Fill.
1. Chapter 1

By the time she stumbled into her cabin at the end of the day, Shepard was hot and dirty and of no mind to do anything more than settle down for a well-deserved nap. Unfortunately, it seemed Garrus had other ideas.

No sooner had she stripped the sweat-stained shirt from her back and maxed out the cold water gauge in her shower than her door hissed open and Garrus stepped through.

"How did it go?" She could see him taking in her disheveled appearance, mandibles flickering in dismay at the sight of the gash on her forearm.

"Looks worse than it is." She mumbled, covering it with her free hand self-consciously. "As to the other, about as well as you would expect. Captain Gavorn is grateful, but if I don't see another vorcha until the day I die it will be too soon."

Garrus stepped forward and turned her in his arms, holding her close despite the dust and grime. "You should have taken me with you."

"That would have been unsporting. I had to even the odds a little; you and I would have taken them out too fast."

"You're always so sportsmanlike." He rumbled in her ear, brushing the red strands back from it with a gentle hand. Shepard leaned into him gratefully, content for the moment just to rest in his arms.

"Were you going to take a shower?"

"Are you saying I stink, Vakarian?"

"I'm saying you've smelt better."

Shepard laughed so hard her entire body shook, tears gathering in her eyes from the force of it. She leaned back against his chest, raising a hand to trace the lines of his face.

"You're so honest. I knew there must be a reason I love you so much."

"I knew there must be a reason you married me." He purred, nuzzling her hand, nipping a finger with a sharp tooth.

"Hm. It was the scars. Definitely the scars. Irresistible to more than just the krogan females, I can tell you."

She yelped as he pulled her from her feet, dragging her to the bathroom with his arm looped around her waist. "Shower now; tell me all about my attractive scars later."

"Why not both?" Shepard twisted from his grip, leaning back against the glass of the cubicle as she slowly unzipped her pants. One hand steadied her as she toed off her boots, kicking them away thoughtlessly.

She grinned at the appreciative look in Garrus' eyes.

"A little help here, Vakarian?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

She gasped as he shredded through the thick material with a vicious swipe of his talons, "Garrus! You didn't have to destroy them!"

"More fun that way."

She couldn't find it in her to protest, not when he was brushing that wicked tongue over the pale skin of her throat, feeling the steady beat of her pulse in the hollow of her neck.

Shepard gasped as he nipped her playfully, hands rising up to fumble with the straps that held his armor in place; "Why the hell do you wear this aboard the ship, anyway?"

"I am always prepared."

"For what? An armed assault by pirates? You sound like a boy scout."

Garrus growled, nipping her softly and she redoubled her efforts to get him out of the constricting gear.

"You want to help me out with this too?"

"Not if it means I have to take my hands off you."

Show-off; in little more than a second her bra lay on the floor, and she had only just got that first blasted catch undone.

"Garrus," she whined pitifully.

He chuckled softly, palming her breast as his thumb scraped over the peak of her nipple, swirling small circles there until she gritted her teeth in frustration.

"Garrus, armor off. Now. You can take that as an order."

"Yessir."

He pulled away and Shepard hurriedly divested herself of her pants as Garrus fumbled with the clasps of his armor, the task made a trifle more difficult owing to his trembling hands. Shepard smiled wickedly, turnabout was fair play after all. She closed the distance between them quickly, rocking her hips against his, hands skimming up his waist to his neck. She traced her nails in small patterns there as Garrus' breathing quickened.

Stubbornly he pushed her away, fumbling with that last damned clasp and dropping the armor carelessly to the floor. It was unlike him to be so callous with his gear, but she was grateful he was finally hurrying.

Shepard reached for him again and he came willingly to her arms, open palms running down the curve of her waist to pull her closer, pressing into her throat to begin a gentle assault on her collar bones. She gasped softly as he nicked her skin deliberately only to lap at the tiny wound.

Mindful of his sharper edges she curved a leg about his and pulled, forcing him to stumble into her, pushing her harder against the glass. She pressed her face to the side of his throat, "What about that shower?"

She stepped in, gasping as the cold water hit her flesh; Garrus shuddered as he stepped inside, automatically shielding his sensitive skin from the cool water.

"It's freezing, Shepard."

Shepard hummed softly, "Then come here and hold me. I'll keep you warm."

Garrus chuckled softly, pressing into her, hands clasping her hips to him roughly as she arched and rocked against him. She would probably end up a little chafed later, but it would be more than worth it for this. She delighted in Garrus' murmured chortle as her hands skimmed down his plates to that vulnerable place where leg met torso, one hand glided between to run her nails along the small space there.

"It can't be that cold." She whispered against him.

"Not for long, anyway." He reached back blindly to fumble with the tap and Shepard gasped gratefully at the feeling of warm water against her bare flesh.

"I'll never get clean if you hog all the water." She twisted neatly, catching him off guard to press him into the wall where she had stood but a moment past.

Garrus groaned as her teeth attacked the flesh around his throat, nimble fingers slipping into the gap between his legs to tease the hidden area there; she curled her fingers up into him and he rose on his feet, hips arching into her touch unconsciously.

His hands skimmed her back, clearing away the grime and massaging into sore muscles, skimming down to grip her ass so she could move more forcefully against him.

She pulled back, a playful smile tugged at her lips and mischief lit those beautiful eyes. "Care to help me?" She reached back, grabbing for the cloth draped over the tap, fumbling at the slippery bottle perched on the ledge and dumping a generous amount of soap onto the washcloth. She handed it to him, and after a minute's thought he took it, turning her around to rest against him. She braced herself firmly, but couldn't resist the urge to continue her taunting rocking motions, delighting in his soft growls and involuntary twitches.

He skimmed the cloth over her waist, running a slow circle about her navel that grew smaller and smaller until he dipped his talon into it, curling it lightly until she jumped. Her fingers dug into the hard plates behind her in warning; she could play this game too.

Fortunately, Garrus didn't seem to be any more of a mind for games than she. The rough cloth rose to circle a breast, lingering longer at the task than was strictly necessary. She raked her nails up his hips, catching at the joins in his plates until he bent his head forward and clamped her shoulder firmly in his mouth. The message was clear, and she would heed it for now.

Garrus' maddeningly slow ministrations continued, sweeping the cloth first over her neglected breast, pinching the rising nipple unexpectedly so that she gasped, head falling back even farther so that his tongue could trace along the line of her throat. He pulled his hands away abruptly and Shepard ground her teeth in frustration, turning in his arms, "Would you rather I washed you?"

"Turn around."

She wasn't in a mood for taking orders; Shepard snatched the cloth from his hand and swept it down her front, lingering near her center, muscles jumping as she massaged at her hip bones, slipped down between her legs to swipe at the wetness there.

"I suppose I can take care of it myself."

Garrus caught the hand and pulled it to him, forcing her to brush the cloth down his middle until she found that intriguing gap in his plates once more. She smiled up at him as she slipped inside, grasping him firmly in hand. Garrus' head connected with the wall a little more forcefully than he'd intended. He hoped he hadn't broken anything.

Shepard slipped her hand slowly up his length, feeling the plates widen a little more as his muscles tensed. She drew him out, stroking a finger teasingly over the tip until he growled and arched away.

She pressed her body more firmly into his, hand rising and falling faster until Garrus' talons gripped her hips tightly; she knew there would be bruises come morning, but she couldn't find it in her to care.

He buried his face in the hollow her throat once more, his gasps and sighs spurring her on. She pressed a kiss to his cowl, tongue darting out to taste him as she slowed her rhythm; tightening and loosening her grip until she could feel the small tremors running through him.

He jerked as she closed a hand around his base and ran it firmly to tip, fingers grazing the flesh lightly. She gasped as she felt his warmth on her.

"Now you're really going to have to get me clean."

She yelped in surprise as he surged forward, talon thrusting into her before she could do more than take a single step backward. She groaned and shifted as his his clever fingers found her clit, pinching ever so carefully until she arched away, overcome by the sensation. She writhed against his palm, craving that friction until finally she could feel the first pulse of release.

Shepard jerked against him, meeting his bright eyes as she felt the tell-tale flush suffusing her cheeks and spreading down her chest. His mandibles flickered in to his equivalent of a smirk, but she couldn't find it in her to object. He thrust steadily into her until at last she subsided, falling forward against him, her hands curling on his chest.

He leaned down to pick up the cloth at her feet, skimming it up her leg and back to her center, caressing softly until she pulled away. He turned her in his arms once more and swept it over her form, lingering along her hips and waist, chuckling at the way her body responded to him even now.

"Care to join me for that nap?" Her voice was low and husky and he thrilled to hear it.

"Absolutely."

* * *

They didn't bother assuming any of their old attire before crawling into the clean sheets; Shepard had dried Garrus quickly, scrubbing a little roughly she knew, but she didn't hear him complaining any. He'd skimmed the cloth over her curves, watching the way her skin reddened under his steady regard. "Interesting how humans can turn color to suit their emotions, and all over too."

She nudged him playfully, "I think you've had enough fun torturing me; you want to hurry up and finish? Every moment we waste here is a moment less spent with my precious bed."

"I thought I was your first love?"

"A very close second." She rose on her tip toes to press a kiss to his cheek, drawing him to the bed by his hands.

"I have a confession to make." She could see his hackles rising.

"What have you done?"

"Don't say it in that tone. I took a commission for an old friend; you might remember Lorik Qui'in?

"I repeat: what have you done, Shepard?"

Shepard frowned, "He suspects that one of his employees may have made off with some restricted data. I told him I would retrieve it for him."

"Just a smash and grab then." Garrus sighed with relief.

"In theory, it should have been. Unfortunately, his intuition turned out to be correct; his mole could be working for those pirates I teased you about earlier. It's a little urgent."

Garrus pushed her back so that she sprawled on the bed, pulling him over her, "It can wait for a few hours."

Shepard smirked, "I suppose so."


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard watched from the port window as they made their final descent onto Noveria; she hadn't thought to see this planet again. If she were honest, and Shepard prided herself on her honesty, she had rather _hoped_ she wouldn't have to see this chunk of ice again. Her memories were… unpleasant to say the least. Shepard swallowed hard, imagining she could feel the sting of bile in her throat. The last time she was here she had been forced to kill Liara's mother, and that was a fact she thought would always weigh heavily on her shoulders, especially given her initial distrust of the asari maiden.

"You alright?" Garrus' rumbling voice was subdued, but she took comfort in his presence. He knew the number of her sins and it never seemed to repel him.

"I'm fine. Memories, you know?"

She felt more than saw Garrus nod, a gesture he had only recently picked up; she smiled fondly, they were more in-tune than most conventional couples, regardless of cross-species differences. He had made a fair number of concessions to her humanity; she felt guilty now for knowing a little less of turians. Shepard made a mental note to garner a little more information from the extra-net; Garrus would appreciate the effort, she knew.

"Where are we meeting Lorik?"

Down to business, that was precisely what she needed. "The hotel bar, for remembrance's sake."

Garrus stiffened and Shepard turned to him in confusion, laying a hand on his arm. "Is everything alright with you? You seem a little off."

"Meeting at the bar for remembrance's sake? Anything else you're intending to do for remembrance's sake?" She couldn't fail to hear the insinuation beneath his words, but cursed if she could find the cause of it. Honesty. Honesty between them was the only thing that would make this work. Unfortunately, when she spoke her words sounded far more confrontational than merely questioning.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Vakarian?"

"It means Lorik Qui'in is widely considered handsome by turian standards; you've shown a preference for turians-"

"I've shown a preference for _you_." Shepard's brows winged up in surprise. " Do you think I'm going to run off with the next turian I meet because I prefer his face-paint or something?"

"_Do_ you prefer his face-paint?"

Shepard threw her hands in the air, sighing dramatically. "This is ridiculous. You were there; you know full well there was nothing going on there. Not even a hint. I can't believe you just up and accused me of that, Garrus."

They lowered onto the docking bay and Shepard turned from him, prepared to make a grand exit complete with blistering and righteously indignant invective.

"Shepard," Garrus caught her arm, pulling her closer. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'm just a little put out that we're going to waste a honeymoon chasing down thugs for some business-minded turian we only met for a few minutes a few years ago."

"He isn't any happier about this, believe me. The last time we were here we managed to totally destroy a research facility and rack up a death toll that would leave the most bloodthirsty Krogan envious. We'll get this done and get out. Promise. Besides, I seem to recall having to explain the concept of a "honeymoon" to you, now suddenly you're on board with the idea?"

"There are a few human practices worth adopting." Garrus' mandibles flickered in amusement; he released her arm and stepped back. "I suppose you had better prepare to leave, Commander."

Shepard wrinkled her nose, an action Garrus had always found particularly confounding. How did they manage to contort their faces into such expressions and how was he supposed to interpret it?

"I'll meet you at the airlock in ten; I'm not sure if we're heading off to catch this bastard directly or if we'll be there awhile so make sure you come armed."

Garrus snorted softly and Shepard grinned, "One more thing, you don't have to call me Commander all the time. I won't report you."

!

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!

Shepard hurried off to find her other crew-mates, leaving Garrus to his contemplation. Odd, that she should feel the need to tell him not to address her according to rank. She was the Commander whether she was his wife or not. In a turian marriage, rank would always be a factor, even if it wasn't directly addressed. This bore thinking on. Was she upset that he hadn't been more forceful? What with her being his superior and all he had thought she would naturally prefer to take charge. He certainly had no problem becoming the proverbial head of the household if that was what bothered her; he just hadn't thought humans had the same household power dynamics as turians. Yet another thing he had failed to find in his research; he would have to be more thorough in his studies.

Garrus turned back to the window, still troubled despite himself. He knew full well there was nothing between Lorik and Shepard, not even the chance of it. That didn't prevent him from feeling a little put-out though. It seemed they hadn't truly had a moment alone in months; there was always some old friend in need of help, always something the Alliance needed done, always something the council felt should be left to a spectre of Shepard's caliber.

It had begun to wear on him, Shepard's insistence on taking every job that came their way; he didn't expect her to consult with him per se, she was still the Commander after all, but a little consideration would have been nice. Then again, she had said that he needn't consider her the "Commander" all the time. Maybe it was time he asserted his right to authority; if she was not willing to assert the full measure of command he would be more than willing to take that duty on his own shoulders.

Satisfied that he had at last puzzled out the meaning of her words, Garrus hurried off to the airlock in a considerably brighter mood.

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Noveria hadn't changed much since their last visit; new administration, same corruption she would wager. Security seemed to have been increased, not surprising really. Her team was waved through with a minimum of hassle, not even asked to justify their weapons. Evidently Lorik hadn't been exaggerating when he said he could clear the way. She smiled at Garrus reassuringly, noting his unaccustomed aggressive stance. Garrus had little to no tolerance for bureaucratic red tape, and Noveria had a surplus of it. He hadn't liked it last time, and it seemed he was no keener on the place now.

It might have been better to leave him behind, given his sentiments on corruption, but they hadn't been working much together these past few weeks and she missed having him at her back. Shepard's false smile turned to a scowl when she noticed Garrus hadn't even taken a moment to appreciate her frail efforts, he was glaring at the path ahead of him as though it had done him a personal injury.

"Garrus, you going to be alright there?"

"I'm fine, Shepard."

The words were short and clipped; was this really still about helping Lorik? He had said that everything was fine, and he was usually the first to inform her if anything was awry, but this brooding silence was decidedly out of character. She had expected at least a few cutting remarks about the station, or the lack of effort on behalf of security, maybe a pithy observation about the tycoons that frequented a planet like this. Something. Anything.

Shepard dismissed her thoughts with a shake of her head. They could take this up again when they were back safe aboard the Normandy, for now she just had to find Lorik; she hoped the elevator to the bar wouldn't be too awkward.

Shepard glanced back at a muffled snicker from Tali, frowning thunderously; it would be a miracle if any of them got off this planet in one piece. Garrus was fit to be tied, Tali was clearly soaking up the drama and if Shepard heard so much as a snort from that direction again she was going to do something drastic.

The doors hissed open and Shepard cast a cautious look back to Garrus before exiting the elevator. The look he gave her was nothing short of a challenge and Shepard bridled slightly at the accusation in his eyes. She glowered at him warningly; it was one thing if he wanted to continue this conversation back aboard the Normandy, but out here she was in command and he needed to remember that.

"Garrus. Don't."

"Don't what, Shepard?" That tone was entirely too pleasant for her peace of mind, and was it just her imagination or was he showing more teeth than usual?

"Don't make something of this."

"What's 'this', Shepard. I thought you said there was nothing there to worry about? I couldn't make something from nothing could I? It violates the most basic rules of-"

"You've been spending too much time with Joker." She grated out, "Just let me do the talking-"

"Why?"

Shepard spun, "_I_ took this commission. _I_ am in charge. Clear?"

She blinked at the flash of surprise that lit his face before he nodded once, seemingly acquiescing. He was a terrible liar- there was nothing sincere in that face.

"Vakarian, if you-"

"Shepard."

Shepard nearly jumped out of her skin, one hand flying to the holster of her weapon as another extended to hold her partner back. The soft rumble of turian laughter and Lorik's familiar face eased her tension.

"Easy, Commander. You're among friends."

Garrus cut her off before she could speak, growling at the newcomer threateningly. "You're sure, Qui'in? Nothing too fri-"

"Enough!" She barked, "Lorik, I'm sorry. Garrus is a little out of sorts. He didn't get much sleep last night. Otherwise occupied."

There. That should keep him quiet; Garrus was a little shy… she glanced back in surprise when he stepped forward and pulled her close, still eyeing Lorik like the proverbial fly in the lotion.

Though he spoke to her, Lorik locked eyes with Garrus; some message seemed to pass between them, leaving her all manner of peeved. How dare they have some unspoken means of communication? They hadn't known each other half as long as she'd known Garrus. It had to be a turian thing; was there some cultural cue she was missing out on?

She really had to get around to that extra-curricular research soon or this was going to be hell.

Shepard could swear she heard Tali snickering again, but that damn helmet hid her face too well, and by the time she glanced back Tali was perfectly still and silent. What the hell did everyone here know that she didn't? She had the uncomfortable feeling she was going to find out, and probably not in the most pleasant of ways.

* * *

With this being the final month of classes, real life is kind of kicking me in the teeth. That having been said, I will try to update regularly but chapter length will be a little reduced.

Sorry!


	3. Chapter 3

Drinks in hand, Shepard wended her way back to Lorik's table. Garrus insisted he didn't want a drink, but she desperately needed one even if it was just a simple whiskey.

Tali had discretely slipped away to the other side of the bar, ignoring Shepard's attempts to flag her down. She definitely knew something, and she didn't want to share. Not about to chase her down through the busy bar, or more accurately having already tried and failed, Shepard contented herself with downing a shot before ordering another.

When she finally reached the table, Garrus and Lorik were still eyeing each other like sworn foes across a battlefield. She had thought Garrus might be grateful for a little turian company, but she was beginning to regret the impulse to bring him along even after he had made his jealousy clear. Jealousy was something they had never had a problem with before; perhaps that was something marriage naturally changed. It had seemed a little sweet at first; even a little sexy. Now it was just damn annoying.

Shepard slid into her seat, stretching her legs out beneath the table only to get kicked by a turian foot. Nothing quite like it in all the galaxies, getting walloped by armored turian toes at close range.

"Stop kicking. I'll kick back and I'm in the spectre issue armor. What is with you two? You're acting like spoiled children. Stop it."

Satisfied that her words would be the last on the issue, Shepard went straight to business.

"So, I'm assuming this is just a smash and grab? Do you have a name or coordinates?"

With an obvious effort, Lorik pulled his eyes away from Garrus and focused on her. Shepard self-consciously shrunk into the chair; it was one thing when her crew noticed the love bites Garrus occasionally left on her skin, somehow it seemed different with Lorik looking curiously on. He was scanning her carefully, surprise and something else mingled in his expression. Judging by the low rumble coming from Garrus' corner of the table he didn't much appreciate the look.

"Name. Yes, I have a name."

"There's something at least. Any general idea of where he could have gone or a rough time limit?"

"I don't think I need to tell you how important it is that this information is returned as soon as possible. Aquinas stole several blueprints for prototypes that are supposed to be in production in less than a month. Our estimates have already been pushed back, but I had to inform out investors of the security breach and I have to be able to assure them with confidence that the plans will be returned soon."

"Understood. We'll get on it-"

"As soon as we have the time." Garrus cut in.

Rolling her eyes, Shepard downed the whiskey in a single gulp, blinking away the tears that gathered at the expected burn.

"And we have time now." Her voice was a little husky, and she had to fight the urge to cough but she still managed to sound authoritative.

"Though not much." Garrus added.

Did turians have any old sayings equivalent to not airing dirty laundry in public? She would have to ask Lorik later when Garrus wasn't dissecting her every word and action for some sign of a secret passion for the other turian.

"Enough to get the job done."

"Maybe."

Now Lorik simply looked puzzled, and it might have been a combination of drinks and an empty stomach but she wanted nothing more that to lean across the table and hug him; assure him that Garrus wasn't always this much of an ass. It had to be a newly-wed thing.

What confused her was that Lorik was taking Garrus' behavior in stride, not arguing or responding aggressively aside from those first few surreptitious nudges she had effectively ended. He looked at her however, as though she were violating some sacred covenant. She was pretty sure she had said something about loving and cherishing somewhere in those wedding vows, but nothing about obedience.

That had to be it; Lorik was older, perhaps he was more of a conservative at heart. Rather surprising given his exposure to so many other cultures and the turian attitude about sex in general, but it was something she could understand even if she couldn't agree.

Come to it, that would explain Garrus' behavior… if he were offended on her behalf then he might well snipe at Lorik just to drive the poor fellow mad. She would have to talk with him about it later.

Shepard cleared her throat, "About that name."

Lorik shifted uncomfortably, "Aquinas. Aquinas Finn."

Shepard snickered, "Unfortunate. Human?"

"Yes; I can have all this extraneous information sent to your netmail if that will speed things along?

"I'd appreciate that, but you implied there were things we had to discuss off record."

Lorik leaned back in his chair, falling into their old pattern comfortably. "The nature of the schematics he made off with make it a necessary precaution. We're looking at an advancement that could advance medicine by decades in one leap… or warfare for that matter."

"Do I need these details?"

"I would not be sharing it with you otherwise."

"Don't patronize her." Garrus snarled, and Lorik nodded meekly.

Meek really didn't suit him, but if she brought up Garrus' running commentary now they would be here all night.

Lorik's voice grew deeper, slipping into a confidential rumble that hardly reached her ears. "Given your unique experiences I am sure you are familiar with the term 'ardat-yakshi'?

Shepard leaned forward interestedly, "Of course."

"We have developed a bio-technology that would not necessarily cure their ailment, but might permit them at least the comfort of interacting with other damaged minds."

"How?" Shepard breathed, she wasn't much of a scientist, but she recognized this as a breakthrough of monumental importance.

"The geth are synthetics. A merge between organic and machine-"

"We've killed enough of them to know." Garrus rumbled.

"We applied the same principle to nano-technology. Living implants that will grow and multiply when introduced to the host's body. When they interface with the nervous system it becomes possible to transmit data from one tiny nano… to all of them. A working hive mind. It is nothing like the traditional asari meld, but it is our hope that in time the technology may become advanced enough to substitute for it and to be adapted to other species."

"I'm not sure I like the thought of all my information being accessible at one point in time. This 'hive mind' thing sounds a little too like the geth, but reducing the stigma attached to ardat-yakshi? That's huge." A fleeting image of Samara flashed in her mind's eye and Shepard half-wished she were here to accompany them. She could take Garrus' place, but it would take far too long to track her down and extend the invitation; they had work to be doing.

"The schematics have only been missing for around three days now, but Aquinas was one of the heads of this project. If he sells his services along with this information, I don't think I need to tell you what he could accomplish."

"I need another drink."

"I think you've had enough today, Shepard."

"I think I'll know when I've had enough, Garrus." She responded absently, failing to notice the surprised look on his face she pushed back from the table and headed to the bar again.

Come to it, if Garrus didn't want a drink she was sure Lorik could use one after that confession. Uncertain of what he'd prefer she ordered a shot of the most popular dextro drink along with her own old faithful and headed back to the table.

She skidded the shot glass across the table and raised hers jokingly to Lorik before downing it in one go. She wasn't near tipsy enough to handle this day yet.

Lorik looked swiftly between her and Garrus, noting the annoyed look that Shepard had failed to see at first.

"Did you want one?"

"No, Shepard." Garrus ground out.

"Then stop huffing."

He glanced at her sharply and Shepard smiled winningly, they would discuss this temper tantrum as soon as they were back aboard the ship.

Alright, maybe this latest shot hadn't been such a great idea; it was going straight to her head. "With your leave, Lorik, I think we'll just head back to the Normandy. No need to worry, we'll track the bastard down."

"That's why I asked for you, Shepard."

Shepard stood quickly and Garrus pressed in close behind her, possessive hand clutching her shoulder. With a wave to Tali, she started from the bar, patting Garrus' hand absently.

Tali shook her head, finishing off her drink. Shepard frowned and gestured a little more sternly. Tali shook her head again, waving her off.

"Is there something in the air that can bypass quarian filters and scramble turian minds, because I swear the lot of you are determined to drive me off the deep end today."

Garrus grunted, "We need to talk, Shepard."

"Damn straight we do, Vakarian. You can start with an explanation of whatever the hell was going on back there. You're very touchy today."

They strolled up to the elevator, Garrus still wrapped in thoughtful silence. Shepard sighed deeply, this discussion really could wait for a more private place, but if Tali was skipping out on her anyway there was no reason she shouldn't take this up with him now.

The doors hissed open and Shepard stepped in, turning to face Garrus with arms crossed over her chest; she leaned back against the railing as Garrus hit the number for their floor and the doors closed.

"Well? Any time now is fine."

Garrus turned to press her roughly against the wall; his rough hand tilted her face away as he bit down warningly on her neck.

This wasn't the time or the place, but Shepard wasn't about to complain if he wanted to work off some of his usually latent aggression in the elevator. Her fingers flew to his sides, pulling him closer still while he nipped and licked at her throat, moving slowly up to her jawline.

Shepard hummed softly and canted her hips, laughing when Garrus' hands swept down her thighs to lift and pin her, wrapping her legs around his waist.

"When those doors open, a lot of people are going to get an eyeful."

"Past caring, Shepard."

Shepard turned back to him and pressed her face to his fondly, a quick kiss to his surprised face had his mandibles flickering with reluctant amusement.

"You might not. I do. Down. Now."

He crushed her to him and her breath wheezed out of her unexpectedly. "Fine." He rumbled, but those wicked teeth sank into the join of her shoulder and throat so that she gasped and writhed at the unexpected pain/pleasure.

Damn it. She wouldn't be able to hide that for long. Tali would probably get a kick out of it. Right after she finished scouring the cargo bay for her insubordination, and after she spilled the secret on whatever it was she knew that Shepard was missing.

Garrus lowered her back to the ground reluctantly and Shepard smiled up at him conspiratorially. "You can report to my cabin for an immediate debriefing as soon as we board the Normandy, Vakarian."

Garrus smirked, "I could. Or you could find me in the port observation to continue this discussion."

"I've had too much to drink already. I need to lay off anything stronger than water for a while."

Garrus frowned, "Agreed. What were you thinking to drink so much when you knew we had to talk business?"

Shepard didn't much care for his tone, but the rebuke was richly deserved, even if she was only a little tipsy, and if Garrus couldn't call her on it then who would?

"Point taken. I'm not exactly soused, just a little off. We haven't been to an actual bar in months and I was just a little too excited to find a bartender that would mix my drinks for me. You're not exactly the shining image of a teetotaler either."

Garrus sighed, "I half wish you were drunk."

Shepard arched a brow, "You think my company is a little more bearable when I'm loud and begging to dance?"

"No, but I never did get to carry you over the threshold."

Shepard threw back her head and laughed, attracting the immediate attention of pretty much everyone in the area. She didn't care; in fact, she was half-tempted to give them something to gawk at.

"You know, that doesn't sound like a half-bad idea. Why don't you carry me past the airlock, hm?"

It was said in jest, but when Garrus scooped her up and took off at a run she didn't have the heart to say so.


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard couldn't find it in her to care about the wondering looks the crew shot their way as she and Garrus barreled through the airlock, already in the elevator before most had the time to realize they were back.

She really should call an end to this, but it had been awhile since they had simply played; there was always something else to do or somewhere else to be. It was nice, being able to relax like this.

With a mischievous glance up at Garrus, Shepard began to play with the clasps of his armor suggestively, grinning unrepentantly when he shot her a quelling look.

"Wait, Shepard."

Shepard pursed her lips, "No."

Garrus tightened his grip, pinning her arm to his chest and clamping the other firmly to her side. Thrash as she might she just couldn't seem to pull free.

"Damn it, you win. Now let me go."

"Not good enough."

"My word's not good enough for you?"

"I believe it was you that taught me a promise given to a foe is no promise at all."

"I am not your foe!"

"And marriage is a battle where the first to speak loses."

"You lost." Shepard stuck her tongue out childishly, this was good. Garrus was back to his customary good mood and the alcohol had taken the edge from her frustration, leaving her at peace. Vaguely she knew there were other duties to attend to, and Qui'in's business was urgent, but there could be no harm in taking a couple hours for themselves in all this madness.

Her head spun when Garrus strode from the elevator; thinking to catch him in a moment of distraction she tugged at her arms, his talons tightened and Shepard winced at the bruising grip.

"Wanna ease up there, big guy?"

"No."

Shepard scowled, "Garrus, you are going to get it."

The door to her cabin hissed open and Shepard redoubled her efforts, kicking out and twisting until Garrus had no choice but to release her or risk doing her an injury. Strange moods aside, she knew he wouldn't.

"You've been pissed off all day; what's the issue, Vakarian?"

Garrus didn't respond verbally, his talons hooked in her shirt and tugged, tearing it like tissue paper. What the hell, she loved it when he pulled out all the stops and showed her the full measure of that aggression he typically kept in check. She tried to reach for his armor but Garrus hands batted hers away before tearing at her pants.

Shepard stumbled back, struggling to kick off her boots while Garrus battled the stuck zipper. She laughed wildly. reveling in Garrus' answering growl; he tugged and the pants finally came free. She was going to have to take new clothing into account for this month's expenditures. It didn't matter.

The back of her knees bumped into the edge of the bed, folding her legs beneath her so that she landed on the soft surface. She reached out to catch Garrus and pull him to her, but there was no need. He had followed her down, teeth clamping into her shoulder viciously. Shepard turned her head to catch the skin at the base of his neck; she could feel pinpricks of hot blood at her neck and ground her own teeth in retaliation.

Garrus snarled, rocking against her until she locked her legs around his waist, her fingers flying once more to his armor. Fuck! She'd forgotten to take the damn panties off; Garrus beat her to it, his talons shredded through the cotton like knives through wet paper. Garrus pulled away from her, catching her eyes as he lowered himself between her legs, tongue darting out suggestively.

"Garrus, don't-" He wasn't listening to her. She hadn't managed to get more than a couple words out before that talented tongue was lapping roughly over her center, just catching her clit with the tip, pushing into her insistently to gather every stray bit of wetness.

She'd get him for this, later; now, she arched against him, uncaring if his rough skin abraded the pale flesh of her thighs. Garrus nipped softly at the skin and Shepard started, surprised at the roughness of the gesture. Not that she was complaining if that was the way he wanted to play it.

Shepard tried to push up from the bed, but Garrus hooked her leg over his shoulder and pinned the other firmly to the coverlet.

"Bossy." Shepard gasped out, he didn't seem to be paying her any heed. That talented tongue worked her expertly, his free hand rising to trace a talon over her slit while he focused his attentions on the hard nub just above. Shepard's eyes rolled back at the feel of his mandibles flickering against her intimate flesh teasingly.

"Garrus." Her fingers dug into the flesh behind his cowl forcefully, trying to pull him to her. He rose briefly to nip at the flesh of her stomach, talons pushing into her. Shepard gasped softly, it seemed Garrus had no patience for gentleness tonight, thank all the gods.

Her heel dug into his armor and Shepard spared a moment to glare at him. Not only would she strip him of the armor, she was going to cuff him with his precious C-Sec issue restraints and have her slow and wicked way with him while he pleaded for release. That thought sent her tumbling over the edge, and Garrus' clever tongue darted out quickly to catch the wetness that escaped her.

Garrus rested his head against her stomach once again, drawing deep and even breaths. He couldn't think that after all that she was simply going to let him off free.

"Garrus, bring me your cuffs."

No time like the present, after all. She would have preferred to take her sweet time with him, but she'd take whatever she could get, and he had this coming.

Garrus chuckled softly, stretching as he rose and moved toward the nightstand. Shepard smirked as he stalked back over to her, cuffs held out to present them; there was a look on his face she couldn't quite define, it looked almost like-

The cuffs clapped over her wrists before she had time to jerk away. Shepard kicked and snarled as he drew her toward him, holding her against him until her struggles ceased.

When she spoke her voice was low and dangerous, edged with an undertone of arousal. "You're only making this worse for yourself. Vengeance will be sweet."

Garrus pushed his mouth to her ear, his warm breath sending tingles through her, "I look forward to it."

Her knees were still shaky from her recent release, and that suggestive whisper certainly hadn't done her sense of equilibrium any good; she knelt unresisting at his urging, knowing full well what he asked of her and all too eager to give it.

Now her fingers worked at his armor, steady and sure despite the excitement coursing through her veins. It wasn't often Garrus took the lead in their lovemaking, but she was intrigued to see how long this mood could last.

The armor fell away, leaving him bared to her; his plates had parted with excitement and Shepard grinned up at him as she slid a hand carefully inside, running down his length. Shepard licked her lips as he fully extended.

"Take me in your mouth."

"Just because I'm wearing the cuffs does _not _mean you are giving the orders." Shepard ran her tongue tauntingly along his length, tracing the vein there with the blunt tip of her tongue. Garrus shuddered and growled.

On second thought, what would it take to bring him to his knees? Liara would be so proud of her, exercising the scientific method. Garrus talons locked in her hair as she pulled him deep, tongue swirling over his tip until he cried out. She looked up and met his striking blue gaze, refusing to break her line of sight even as she worked him thoroughly. He tugged at her hair and Shepard rose higher, one hand rising to wrap about his base while she took him as deep as he could go.

She chuckled softly as he threw his head back, fighting not to make a sound, but she would win this battle. She always did. Her fingers found his testicles, running her nails over them until a desperate trill escaped him. He pulled her back quickly when he came, some painting her skin.

"I think we'll be needing that shower again." Shepard licked her lips suggestively.

"Temptress."

"You started this, I only played along. Now, would you care to take these cuffs off?" She held her wrists out pleadingly.

Garrus addressed the air over her head. "Very good shower you have, very sturdy."

Shepard frowned. "Yeah? Sturdy isn't really the word that comes to mind for showers." She smiled brightly, "I was thinking more hot and wet and steamy."

Garrus yanked her forward and Shepard caught herself against him as she tried to rise unsteadily.

"In fact, I'll bet we could hook the cuffs right over the shower-head."

Shepard's eyes widened in comprehension, "You are _not_ going to break my shower. I do _not_ want to explain this to Gardiner, the answer is no."

Garrus talons glided down her hips, playing in the crease of skin at her legs, "Are you sure? I could show you C-Sec body-search procedures."

"Always a good thing to know." Shepard murmured, "I concede the point." She allowed him to lead her to the bathroom, still a little dazed and confused. Where had all this come from? If this was Garrus' typical reaction to a bit of alcohol and her chatting with other turians then she really needed to stock up on the Serrice ice brandy and make a few more friends.

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Washed, dried and impeccably groomed, Shepard and Garrus made their slow way through the CIC, pointedly ignoring the knowing winks and smothered smiles. Such was the disadvantage of living shipboard- everyone knew everything and had no problem admitting to it. Joker would be the worst, Shepard was rather looking forward to sparring with him again.

Kelly greeted her as she approached the terminal, Garrus only reluctantly unwinding a possessive arm from her waist. Shepard twitched her hips slightly, still teasing; Garrus tapped her ass lightly and Shepard glared at him before turning back to her assistant all smiles.

"Lorik Qui'in has sent you a message, Commander. It's waiting in your inbox."

"No need, it's on my omnitool. Joker! Set course for the Amun system in the Eagle nebula."

"On it!"

Kelly was glancing between her and Garrus, taking in their stance and movements.

"I assume Tali made it back?"

"She's down in engineering again. A little the worse for wear but fit for duty." Kelly responded absently.

What the hell was wrong with her crew today? Tali didn't want to follow orders, Kelly didn't want to chat and Garrus… well. Complaining might jinx it.

"Do you have something more to say?"

Kelly snapped to attention, throwing off an uncharacteristically sharp salute, "No, Ma'am. If you need to speak with me, I'm always available."

"That's good to know." Shepard muttered, nudging Garrus away to make her way to the cockpit. No sooner had she left than Garrus and Kelly were deep in conversation, her head tilted to catch every nuance of his tone and he leaning close so that those near could not listen in.

Alright, so it was fine for him to cut up all jealous when she so much as spoke to another turian on business, but it was just fine for him to speak with the pretty shrink that had once expressed an interest in holding him close and whispering sweet nothings in his ear? They were going to have to talk about that.

"Joker, you noticing anything weird with the crew today? Anything funny in our breakfast, you think?"

Joker snorted, "Breakfast always tastes funny, Commander. I'm sure it's somewhere in the rule-book. I could find it for you if you hadn't tossed it out years ago."

EDI chimed in mockingly, "I have found no record of this rule, neither a copy of a rule-book for Shepard to throw out. Preliminary scans suggest that-"

"I get it, I get it. No need to beat the dead horse."

"I'm serious." Shepard cast a searching glance over her shoulder, "Tali's mouthing off and Kelly isn't giggly and Garrus is growly and I swear everyone's staring."

"You're the only one that's getting any, it's bound to make them a little jealous."

"I don't want to hear any more of that thought, Joker." Shepard's tone turned sharp.

"No, ma'am. But you might want to bear in mind that Tali is drunk, not tipsy, drunk. I think there's enough in her system to knock out a krogan. She was giggling like mad and falling all over the equipment when she came aboard. She and Kelly talked for a bit, I may or may not have been watching-"

"He was." EDI chirped.

"But the gist seemed to be you and Garrus, and that's not exactly news so I tuned it out."

Shepard nodded, "Thanks, Joker. You'll let me know if you hear anything." It wasn't a question, and Joker didn't bother to answer.

Joker listened until the thump of her boots had faded into the background.

"You know, when she finds out we have a betting pool on how long it takes for her to figure this out, we're as good as spaced."

"I cannot be spaced, Jeff."

"Spaced or deleted."

"I am intrinsic to the operating core of this ship; I cannot be deleted."

Joker sighed, "Y'ever heard of a hyperbole? Descriptive language? It can add layers to a conversation." Joker rolled his eyes.

"I will look into it."

EDI's avatar blinked out, leaving Joker to stew in thoughts of his impending demise.

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Shepard hurried away from the cockpit, determined to catch Garrus and Kelly before their little tete-a-tete drew to a close. Joker was certainly more defensive than usual, but then Joker was usually a sarcastic ass, she couldn't really hold it against him. On any other day she would have been happy to join in on the games, but today she was just so twitchy and that spot between her shoulder blades was itching with all the curious glanced directed at her back and-

She was going to go insane if this kept up, she could talk with Garrus later about the Kelly affair.

Affair. She didn't like the sound of that at all; she'd have heard some hint of it… nothing stayed secret for long on the Normandy. Garrus was that type of man… turian. Kelly was- Well, Kelly was a little distracted trying to hide her crush on Jacob anyway.

Maybe she should take Kelly up on that offer of conversation; it might do some good to nudge her just a little more firmly in that direction.

When Shepard approached they fell silent, Garrus was smiling winningly but Kelly had an intriguing blush on her cheeks. If he'd been cracking jokes about reach and flexibility with her damn assistant shit was going to hit the fan. He had to know that. Shepard slanted a suspicious look between them.

"Is everything alright here?"

"Fine, Commander. Garrus and I were discussing courting rituals."

Ah. That explained it. Shepard smiled fondly, leave it to Garrus to pick up on Kelly's schoolgirl crush and give her a little push in the right direction.

"I'm glad you've cleared that up."

Kelly's blush deepened, "You're fine with this, Shepard? I told Garrus that he shouldn't-"

"It's only a problem when it interferes with duty. Don't worry about it."

"Of course." Kelly's voice was choked and she looked ready to melt into the floor. It would be cruel to keep her any longer.

"You ready for this, Vakarian? I'll be taking you and Krios as a ground-team."

Garrus shook his head, "Take Tali, we don't know what sort of defenses they'll have in place."

"Tali is drunk."

"Then take Miranda or Jack. Jack's good with hacking."

"Thane's good with head-shots."

"So am I." Garrus growled, "Or had you forgotten?"

Shepard debated the point, sooner or later she and Garrus were going to have to have a talk about not challenging her before the crew, but there was a point to be made there. She didn't strictly need two snipers on one team.

Then again, Jack was a menace to friend and foe alike; she wasn't always the most discriminating. But Tali was drunk.

"Fine. We'll take Jack, but if I end up killed by friendly fire I will haunt your ass."

"Done." Garrus grinned, mercurial mood shifting once more.

Kelly gaped at her disbelievingly, you would think she had sprouted a tail from the open shock on the yeoman's face.

"I'll leave you to arm up, Garrus. We should be there in a couple hours, I'll meet you then. You want to be the one to tell Jack or shall I?"

"I'll take care of it." Garrus rumbled; he hurried off, looking entirely too pleased with himself.

"I don't mean to question your decision, but is that strictly wise, Commander?"

"Jack can get a little out of hand, but Garrus has a point. No need to keep the snipers together."

"As you say, ma'am. I'll be here if you need anything."

Shepard could hear the underlying concern in her tone, "Kelly, there's nothing to worry about. I'm sure everything will go fine with him."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Sometimes Shepard thought she and Kelly would never be on the same wavelength.


	5. Chapter 5

Garrus made his way to the engineering deck quickly, cursing the need to use the blasted elevator; if Shepard had been there he might not have minded it so much…

He nipped that thought in the bud, fearing it might show on his face when he spoke to Jack; months aboard the same ship had made the human crew passable at deciphering his expressions, if not exactly experts.

Kelly was the expert. Garrus snorted softly; he had never had much of a problem with Kelly before. She was a little too shy and a little too _Cerberus_ for his taste, but she'd never really interfered with him.

Damned if he hadn't just about snapped at her when she dared to comment on his treatment of Shepard. What took place between them was none of her affair, neither the crew's. Really, some of these bothersome, nosy types needed to take a turn of service aboard a turian vessel to learn how this worked. Garrus wondered if Jacob would be so good as to have a word with her about it, there was no doubt in his mind which of them called the shots in that particular relationship.

Thank the spirits Shepard had come through with her typical good humor before their argument had escalated; even Kelly would not be so bold as to directly challenge her commanding officer before the crew.

Garrus tipped a nod to engineer Daniels as he tripped down the stairs to Jack's 'quarters'. Shepard always referred to it as the "lair" or "the pit of hell" depending on her mood; when he had asked for clarification she had spun the tale of a dark and singularly hot place filled with brimstone and low-lifes. It sounded a lot like Omega to him; he had to admit, the comparison seemed accurate enough.

He admired the way the red light struck against his plates, the relative quiet of this little space. Quiet except for one currently hiding psychotic bitch; he'd be the first to admit that he had a bit of a soft spot for her- she really didn't know the meaning of restraint and after years of working for C-Sec he could appreciate the creed of Don'tgiveafuckism. Jack insisted it was a legitimate religion, Shepard said she was pulling his leg; Jack said Shepard wasn't a True Believer and he mustn't listen to her. Garrus just wanted to know what legs had to do with anything.

"The hell are you doing down here?"

"Looking for you; Shepard needs a squad and you're our third."

"There a reason you couldn't just use the omnitool?"

"You would have ignored it." Garrus growled.

"Damn straight. Fine. Shepard's got her third."

Jack's face turned sly, "How's that going, by the way?"

Garrus mandibles flickered in confusion, "Going where?"

"Shepard. I heard from Daniels you two cut a scene coming back from Noveria."

"Daniels needs to mind her own business. I didn't know you two were friends."

Jack shrugged, "Might be. Or maybe I just wanted to test a few theories. Either way, none of your damn business."

Garrus snorted, "Doesn't exactly encourage me to cooperate. What Shepard and I do with our free time is our business; you stay out of it. Next time you speak with Daniels tell her same goes there."

Jack smirked, "Damn. I think I might be winning."

He didn't want to know what she might be winning; any competition Jack was a part of was something he would pay to avoid. He left the pit with all speed, the sound of her harsh laughter echoing in the small space.

It was times like this he was thankful she had chosen to stay on the engineering deck; it put a level between them in case she ever stepped all the way into insanity.

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The armory did much to restore Garrus' good humor; weapons tended to have that effect on him. If only Jacob would go away and stop gawking at him like he was some sort of monster made flesh everything would be perfect.

"Was there something you wanted to say, Taylor?"

Jacob started at the menace in his tone and Garrus smirked to himself; Shepard said he could be a scary bastard when he put his mind to it, but he had always dismissed it as flattery until his arrival aboard the SR-2.

"Nothing." He was calm again; nothing ruffled Jacob for long. It was one of the things Garrus appreciated about him. Though as it happened there was something he needed to discuss with Jacob.

"You should look in on Kelly later; she's flighty today."

Jacob snorted, "Chambers is always a little 'flighty'; I'd be more concerned if she was stable."

Garrus felt a hot rush of anger, how dare he so casually dismiss his responsibility? Taylor was lucky this was a human vessel and Cerberus-controlled or Garrus would have seen him hauled up for a reprimand after that careless remark.

"If Ms. Chambers is always flighty then it's your failing; I wouldn't be admitting to that if I were you."

And now Jacob looked awfully confused; Garrus was pretty sure that was confusion, humans had far too many expressions, so many little muscles all working in different ways at once. It was impossible to keep up with them.

"We _are _talking about Kelly Chambers, Shepard's personal assistant?" Jacob's face darkened, "Has Shepard been screwing with her again?"

Garrus hissed softly, not much caring for that tone. If Jacob thought he could mouth off just because Shepard wasn't in the area he was going to find he was sadly mistaken. Garrus had been looking for a sparring partner for a while, otherwise known as a punching bag, and Jacob was a step away from volunteering himself.

In fact, he'd had a bit of a problem with Jacob since Shepard had made some careless remark about his abs during one of her exercise sessions with Taylor. Apparently humans appreciated waists in a different way from turians. And apparently Taylor was a prime example of what human waists should be.

Garrus shook the thought away, recognizing it for the hormonal reaction it was. He hadn't expected this sudden role-reversal between Shepard and he, hadn't been prepared and now he was being down-right over-protective. He needed to reign the temper in, Shepard had been looking out for herself just fine before he had appeared.

Gradually he calmed down, "No. Shepard hasn't been "screwing" with her again." Another humanism, he wished there was a manual for these sorts of things. His translator wasn't colloquial enough to keep up with all their variations. He still had to resist the urge to mention that if Shepard wanted to "screw" with her assistant, she was the Commander of the vessel and she could damn well do it. Screw with, not fuck. He reserved that privilege. For Shepard. Not Kelly. Focus!

"I think she's stressed; you should see about helping her out."

"Does that come from Shepard?" Jacob arched an inquiring brow, still looking confused. Why was everyone so slow today?

"Just a suggestion." It wasn't his place to make suggestions on their relationship. Another turian might have tried to put him through the wall for it. "Tried" being the operative word; it had been a long time since he had lost a fight to anyone.

Jacob frowned, "I'm not even going to pretend I know what you're getting at, but I'll check in with her."

Ah. That would explain the confusion if it were supposed to be a secret. Humans were notoriously odd about these sorts of things. Garrus shot him a conspiratorial grin and Jacob braced as though for an attack, "Good choice."

Jacob stepped out of the armory, body half-turned to keep an eye on him as he left.

Garrus finally began to understand why Kelly was always so jumpy; it really wasn't her fault.

Now where was the Striker? Shepard insisted he needed to learn to carry a pistol, even if he didn't much care for them and she was still the Commander after all.

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Jacob glanced warily over his shoulder as he made his way to Kelly's terminal, half-convinced Garrus would be following. He'd never much liked the turian; respected him, certainly- he was a menace with a rifle in his hands, but he was also a vigilante and that was something Jacob Taylor's sense of justice couldn't tolerate.

Hypocritical? Maybe. Shepard certainly thought so, but it was simple fact and Jacob made no apologies for it. Now Garrus seemed to be gunning for him specifically, that last "smile" had been too wide for anything other than a threat and Jacob wasn't fool enough to risk injury by provoking a fight with a crew-mate. That might fly aboard turian vessels, but not aboard the Normandy.

Why the hell he should be the one talking to Kelly, he had no idea but Garrus seemed to think it was his responsibility and he was more than a little curious.

"Kelly." She jumped nearly a foot off the floor and Jacob winced; apparently Garrus hadn't been exaggerating. Well, if Miranda wasn't going to help out any, and knowing her, she was probably buried up to her ears in paperwork and intrigue, then it fell to him to help out. Except that he was having a few problems of his own and Kelly might know the answer to his questions.

"Jacob! Sir." Kelly cleared her throat, blushing nervously.

She was tripping all over herself; new question- had Garrus set her off deliberately? Crafty bastard. What was his angle?

"Garrus said I needed to speak with you, something on your mind?"

Her mouth opened and closed, Jacob was certain he'd never seen her so thoroughly disconcerted. Kelly was generally very lively, but seldom scatter-brained; she was a professional to the core. Shepard was beginning to rub off on her, it was inevitable.

"ThecrewistakingbetsonGarrusandShepardandItoldthem tostopbuttheywon'tandIdon'tknowwhattodo."

Universal translator aside, he had no clue what she was trying to say. "You want to take a breath and try again, yeoman Chambers?"

Kelly drew a deep breath, let it out. Slowly her color returned to normal while Jacob waited patiently for her to collect herself.

"Cultural misunderstanding, sir."

"You can dispense with the 'sir'." He didn't want to be here all day, and since this conversation was personal anyway there was no need to stand on formality. Kelly was blushing again, "Or use it. Whatever you want, just tell me what's going on."

"I noticed a marked change in Vakarian's behavior, in his treatment of Shepard specifically. I suspected it might be a part of the turian authority dynamic and subsequent investigation substantiated my theory."

He'd never admit it; it was unprofessional in the extreme, but he thought it was adorable when Chambers cut up all academic and earnest. Right now though, he needed to hear her out with no distractions.

"I didn't have a chance to speak with Garrus directly." Her blush deepened, "He was busy, but I did speak with Tali and she confirmed my suspicions. Then went on to make a wager with the rest of the crew. Or Joker, rather, who organized a betting pool with the rest of the crew."

"Care to tell me about your suspicions? I didn't get any sort of notification of a betting pool."

"You and Miranda were intentionally left out. This is not acceptable conduct for Cerberus personnel."

"What's everyone betting on?"

Kelly buried her face in her hands, mumbling something he couldn't quite make out.

"Speak up, Chambers."

Kelly straightened immediately, "On which of them is in charge sir, and how long it takes Shepard to figure out that Garrus thinks he is."

"Shepard is the captain." What was Kelly getting at?

"In public; the crew's debating bedroom etiquette.

Oh that was so much more than he wanted to know.

"In turian households it is customary for a hierarchy to be established through arguments and maintained through sex. Traditionally there is a submissive partner that-"

"Enough. You say Shepard doesn't know?"

"I spoke with Garrus and he says this is entirely consensual. Shepard insists that as long as it does not interfere with ship's business-"

"Then that settles the bet."

"The crew thinks it won't be long before Shepard reasserts her authority, so to speak. They think she is not fully cognizant of these… proclivities."

That left only one question; "Who's the book-keeper?"

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Shepard made her way to the airlock, brushing past crew-members who turned to eye her curiously before hiding their words behind their hands, talking about her.

Jacob and Kelly were looking a little cozy, heads bent close and a bright grin tugging at Jacob's lips; Kelly was blushing profusely, hands fluttering aimlessly. She'd certainly made her move quickly; good for her, she'd kept quiet about it long enough. Garrus' pep-talk must have been something special; she might even have to ask him for pointers later.

Jacob grinned wider when he caught sight of her, tipping Shepard a roguish wink; she winked back, pleased to see him so light-hearted. After that mess with his father… well, it was good to see him smiling again.

"You're distracted. Second thoughts?"

Jack's harsh voice broke her out of the brief reverie and Shepard shook her head. "We have time for this. Lorik is a friend; I owe him a lot. As favors go, this is a small one."

Jack shrugged, "Whatever. I wasn't asking for an epic poem on your decision; just a yes or no"

Why was she taking Jack again? Oh yes, Garrus had suggested it.

Shepard motioned her toward the airlock, glancing back in time to catch Garrus heading toward her. He paused slightly upon seeing Jacob and Kelly, both of them eyeing him askance. He nodded approvingly and kept on, coming to her side.

"Ready when you are."

"Let's get this show on the road. The sooner we clear this up the sooner we can get back to real business."

Garrus nodded, smiling with anticipation. Jack rolled her eyes, but Shepard knew her well enough to know she'd never turn down an opportunity for a good fight. Pity she couldn't scrounge up a few pirates to loose Jack on. Maybe they would get lucky and the deserter would have some back-up. She could hope anyway.


	6. Chapter 6

"Garrus, what's your twenty?" Shepard murmured into her comm, sheltering behind a cargo crate. One good blast from that damned rocket launcher and she'd be toast. The trick was to hold still and pray no one suspected her of hiding here.

"Garrus Vakarian, I repeat" What is your Twenty?" Bastard. Figured he would lope off and play hero while she was still pinned here at the entrance. Shepard was getting rather tired of playing the bait, she was _The _Commander Shepard after all and taking risks was supposed to be her business but she couldn't very well clear this until she knew precisely where her team was. By some cruel twist of fate these people had back-up and she deeply regretted the joking comments about seeing who had the higher head-count at the end of the day.

"He's a little busy, Shepard. We got caught on the stairway in the open and it turns out your sniper isn't good for anything 'cept long-range combat." Shepard could hear a snarled comment in the background and Jack's sharp response. "You wanna talk to her, talk to her, otherwise _shut up_. We'll rendezvous with you at the entry point after we've kicked a little more ass."

"Negative. I'm coming to you. Fucking rocket launcher over here I don't want to take my chances with."

"Rocket launcher?" That was Garrus, breathing a little heavier than normal, she could hear the rumbling growl beneath his words that was always a good indication he had reached the end of his patience. "Stay down, Shepard. I'm heading back immediately."

"What the hell is it with everyone but me giving orders today? I said I'm meeting you there, sit your sweet ass down and wait for me."

"Shepard, if you put yourself in danger just to prove some stupid poi-" Shepard disconnected, bolting from cover as fast as her legs would carry her. The blast that echoed behind her drowned out any sound save an irritating buzz and she was fairly certain she would be picking splinters out of her skin for weeks to come. Thankfully, her armor shielded her from the worst of the blast, though it knocked her off her feet and onto the hard ground with enough force to completely deflate her lungs. She scrambled clear, twisting to squeeze off a few shots in the direction she thought the projectile had come from. She smirked when his body fell from the upper level to crumple onto the floor below. Pity she would have to leave the weapon behind.

Hauling herself to her feet she rushed toward the stairwell where Jack said they were pinned; a shot pinged off the support less than a foot from her arm and Shepard swore vehemently, ducking down to scan for the bastard taking pot shots at her. Jack's voice crackled over the comm and Shepard could just make out the sound of her laughter over that incessant ringing.

"Thought you were someone else."

"Bitch." It was spoken in fondness, but the exasperation underlying the playful tone would have been obvious even to someone unfamiliar with her moods.

"I said _Garrus_ thought you were someone else."

"Bullshit. He's a better shot than that or-"

"Shepard! I told you to stay down, dammit!"

"What the actual hell. Are you hungover? Is that it? I told you I was coming in; if you can't keep your head straight between down time and duty then maybe we should break this off."

It was an idle threat, and they both knew it. At least, she had assumed so, but judging from the unintelligible roaring and aborted expletives filtering over her comm maybe he was a little more insecure than she had thought.

She was up the stairs in a matter of seconds and Garrus was glaring at her over his shoulder, still snarling.

"Pack it in, Garrus, or I'll leave you aboard the Normandy until your temper cools." They needed to have this out and soon; she didn't know what had gotten into him, normally he followed her orders to the letter. She couldn't afford to be bickering with a member of her crew all the time, and this certainly was not the best place for it.

"Jack, you and I are going ahead. Garrus, keep a watch on us."

He was furious. Shepard could see that plainly, but whatever objections he wanted to make he swallowed. Better.

Jack smirked at him over her shoulder and Garrus snorted softly. "Shepard, when we're done here we need to talk."

"Agreed." She was missing something, and it was time they sorted this out. Preferably after business was taken care of, gods knew she hadn't made a terribly good showing these past few days and Garrus hadn't exactly been at the top of his game either.

"As soon as we're done here." She loped back down the stairs, Jack tripping down after her with a gleeful bounce in her step. Shepard couldn't shake the feeling that whatever this was, absolutely everyone save her knew about it.

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Joker pulled the comm from his ear and spun around, opening a ship-wide channel. "We're so totally fucked. They're going to talk it over when they get back and I think we all know Shepard's going to hit the roof. Anyone with creds riding on this can come forward to collect your take. Shepard _will _be pissed, and I for one would rather greet her with a profit in my pocket than empty-handed. Ease the sting, so to speak."

He leaned back in his chair, pulling his hat down over his eyes and sighing heavily. "So fucked."

"Mr. Moreau, it was your choice to lay credits on the matter. Your current circumstances might have-"

"I really don't need this right now, EDI. I really don't."

Bless her. For once she shut up without his direct interference. For a moment at least.

"Jeff, the bet has not been decided yet."

"Good as. One thing for Garrus to get bossy aboard ship, another for him to try dishing it out dirt-side. Rather not be him when they come aboard. Rather not be me either. That crazy psychopath is going to tell her everything and we're all going to pay for it in more than credits."

"Then you must honor your wager with me."

"Damn." With a few clicks and sorrowful groans Joker watched as all his wonderful security programs disappeared; all the fail-safes vanished. Now the AI would have access to even his private files, and that was not a comforting thought.

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Shepard skidded around the corner and into a control room, pulling up the vid feeds for any room still online. Mostly static, but there was only one face she was looking for, and there was the smug bastard now.

"Eastern corridor, Jack. You circle round, I'll approach from the front and we'll shoot him to hell before taking the data. Mission accomplished."

Jack's satisfied laughter was all the confirmation she needed.

Joker's voice filtered over the link, and Shepard paused, mystified. "_We're so totally fucked. They're going to talk it over when they get back and I think we all know Shepard's going to hit the roof. Anyone with creds riding on this can come forward to collect your take. Shepard will be pissed, and I for one would rather greet her with a profit in my pocket than empty-handed. Ease the sting, so to speak."_

Intriguing. That explained quite a bit, actually. What she still didn't understand was precisely what they were betting on. She glanced at the vid once more; plenty of time to catch the bastard, he was hunkered down in a corner hoping the storm would blow over. Good time to sort all this out.

"_Good as. One thing for Garrus to get bossy aboard ship, totally another for him to try dishing it out dirt-side. Rather not be him when they come aboard. Rather not be me either. That crazy psychopath is going to tell her everything and we're all going to pay for it in more than credits."_

There was something missing from that bit of dialog, but Shepard was fairly certain she had the gist of it. Heads were going to Roll. Starting with Jack's and ending with Joker's.

Garrus Vakarian wouldn't know what hit him, but she had to take care of this first.

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Jack whistled softly as she examined the devastation in the hallway. Shepard had left later, but by the time Jack had arrived she'd already been here speaking calmly with Finn. And by calmly, Jack of course meant that she had a pistol to his temple and threats on her lips.

Finn had handed over the data chip fast enough, unfortunately no sooner had Shepard turned her back than he had tried to take it again. Obviously Shepard hadn't liked that much.

Jack could have told her he was dead when she shot him at point blank range in the chest, but Shepard had mechanically shot him once more in the chest and again through his forehead when he hit the ground. There wasn't much left of Aquinas Finn, and she hadn't seen Shepard this angry since… ever.

The crew all had their stories about Shepard's temper, but Jack had never had occasion to observe it herself. By the time she had come along, Shepard had been the very model of an Alliance Hero. It looked like she had decided to go back to basics. Jack favored that strategy herself.

"Jack." There was an edge in Shepard's tone that had her hackles up.

"Step out."

Suddenly that was the last thing she wanted to do just now, but step out she did, cocking her hip and raising her brow.

"I'm giving you twenty seconds to summarize that bet you made with Joker. Make it brief and informative."

Shepard cocked her weapon, "One."

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Garrus was already making his way to Shepard's location when her voice filtered over the comm. "Jack's heading back to the ship. I've got Qui'in's blueprints. Let's finish up that discussion before we drag the rest of the crew into this charming little spat, shall we?"

He recognized that tone; it was flat and toneless, devoid of any potential cues. There was no sharpness in her pronunciation, neither growl in her voice but he could hear the teeth behind the words. Spirits, but he had missed that voice. It had been too long by half since they had last had a true argument. Shepard's casual acceptance of his authority, while gratifying for a while, had begun to grate on him. It just wasn't natural, her giving in so easily.

Garrus welcomed the opportunity to prove he deserved what power he now held; it just hadn't felt right, accepting it as some sort of gift, and evidently Shepard didn't think so either given the number of times she had countermanded him these past few days. Good to know she was ready for a fight, he personally was spoiling for one. They clearly had a few details to work out and he would delight in finally _earning_ his place.

"On my way." He growled. There wasn't so much as an affirmative in response, but he was sure if she hadn't heard she would have let him know.

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Shepard leaned back against a support, tilted her head back and drew a breath. When Dr. Mordin had advised her to conduct a little research into Turian affairs before beginning even a casual courtship she had, true to form, put it off in favor of greater things.

When Miranda had warned her that turians maintained a strict hierarchy and that it was best she look into their domestic traditions before proposing she had dismissed it as an exaggeration. She was now willing to admit that might have been a mistake.

It was humiliating, being the only one entirely out of the loop on this one. No wonder Kelly had been so dismayed; Shepard made a note to slip her a few extra benefits this round, if only because she was the only member of the crew that didn't have credits riding on… this.

She also added a few names to the growing blacklist; Joker's chief among them with Tali taking a close second and Miranda sharing a space with Jacob. Oh gods, what was she going to do about Zaeed and Chakwas? Blackmail. That should be sufficient; he wouldn't want it getting out that there might be something he liked more than his guns and Chakwas would _die_ if it came out that she still had a weakness for soldiers. Jack had played her part and was duly excused, but that still left an uncomfortable number of names she would have to contend with.

Thankfully, EDI had proved herself a reliable ally; AIs were wonderful additions to any crew, she decided. Particularly AIs that managed to find and access a pilot's private files. Once she had sorted out this mess with Garrus and proved her position to the satisfaction of her crew and… husband then she could turn her attention to the problem of bored crew members and their propensity for gambling. A pity she couldn't lay a few credits down herself; it would have made an easy wager.

Not too easy, she hoped.

She had every intention of seeing to it Garrus and she had their dynamics all worked out before they set foot aboard the Normandy once more. Jack had been most helpful, informing her of the turian methods for determining such things. She was more than up for it, and by the time she was through with him, Garrus would be on exactly the same page.

Shepard smiled now to think that she had ever worried about discomfiting him with her preferences; seemed they were both a little far off the mark. It hardly mattered, soon all this would be sorted to their mutual satisfaction; hopefully in every sense of the word.

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Originally this chapter was supposed to be far longer, but since I actually haven't completed the next part I am splitting it up. Heaven knows this chapter has taken long enough with all the rewrites.

And yes, next chapter is mostly smut. :)


	7. Chapter 7

Garrus moved through the compound slowly, still on the alert for any pockets of trouble they might have missed. Shepard would have made a point of checking and double-checking to be sure she had cleared everyone out and he was fairly certain Jack could smell her enemies from miles away, but it never hurt to have another pair of eyes on the lookout.

The muted thump of combat boots reached his ears, but the pace was entirely familiar; Shepard had a peculiar brisk walk, right foot always striking the ground a little harder than the left. It made her easier to identify by sound when she didn't mind being heard; evidently she wasn't much concerned with discretion now.

She rounded the corner boldly, not glancing about to see if the area was clear- her gaze fixed on him immediately and he could feel the heat of it from where he stood several feet away. Some of that owed itself to the restrained anger he could see in her movement, but there was something more there that already had his body responding in kind.

"Shepard-"

"Vakarian."

That was either a very good or very bad sign; "Vakarian" always preceded orders, he waited to see what she had in mind this time.

"Did you know the crew's placing bets on us? They seem to think _you_ are in charge here; I took the liberty of informing them they were wrong. Any objections?"

Garrus thought he had done an admirable job of stifling his growl at the defiance he read in her posture, but Shepard picked up on it easily enough. "Is there something you want to say, Garrus? Anything I should know?" She tapped her foot in mock impatience, eyes unblinking.

"Turian custom dictates that the head of the household does-"

"Head of the household? You're dating yourself; I don't remember ever having the discussion where we crowned you king and commander. In fact, last I checked _I'm _still listed as the commander."

Garrus couldn't quite stifle an exultant expression, "There wasn't much discussion involved, Shepard. I thought you understood, but if there's some question of who should be giving orders, I suggest we work it out here before we head back."

"What a coincidence. I couldn't agree more. Since the human method of deciding this debate would be for me to shoot you point blank, I suggest we work this out according to whatever Turian customs you've been holding me to."

Garrus was personally a great admirer of Turian customs, particularly when human customs were as unappealing as the one Shepard suggested. Then again… Garrus' eyes flashed to her gun. It went entirely against his nature to play with anything so deadly, but there was no reason they couldn't honor the human tradition if they were very, very careful.

Before the vague thought could do more than take form, Shepard had tangled her legs roughly with his and forced him bodily down to the floor, grinning triumphantly at him. There was something of a question in her eyes that he could not help but answer any other way than to seize her hips and drag her up against his smooth armor.

He had little warning before she dipped down to attack his sensitive neck, teeth sinking sharply into his exposed flesh. He hissed at the sting, talons raking down her body armor in a way that would surely have separated skin from bone. As it was, the pressure forced her to arch into him, canting her hips forward to keep her balance while her fingers made quick work of the clasps of his armor.

Recovering from his initial surprise, Garrus twined his fingers in her hair, yanking just a little too roughly as he fought to return the favor. Shepard only chuckled, the sound made hoarse by the strain on her neck. Garrus wondered if she were intentionally mimicking a female turian in the throes of passion, but asking as much would have demanded more of his concentration than he was willing to divert from her.

They both paused for one long moment when his armor slid into her hands and she cast it aside; her palms ran absently down his plates, reassuring herself of his presence, he combed his talons through her hair carefully, feeling the shift and movement of the endlessly fascinating strands.

And then they were frantic once more. Something was different, and Garrus was ashamed to admit that it took a minute for him to find the source of that nagging feeling. Normally they bantered and teased, whispered loving words and light jests; now there was no sound save for his labored breathing and Shepard's soft pants when his hands finally found her bare skin beneath the layers of heavy armor and compact body suit.

This was altogether more solemn and intense, lacking the customary sense of ease that was usually palpable between them. He spared a moment to regret the misunderstanding that had led to this, then his mind's eye flashed back to Shepard's first feral grin when she had tripped him to the ground and any sense of remorse was lost in anticipation.

Shepard's nails found his fringe and began to roughly trace patterns there; Turian tradition she had said, and he intended to take her at her word. She hissed when he tugged her hair firmly, using it as leverage to peel her away from him and pinning her bodily to the cool floor. He couldn't stifle a quiet moan when she hooked her legs around his waist, bucking up into him provocatively, pushing him back until she could gain her knees.

She jerked when he bit into the joining of her neck and shoulder, careful not to draw blood, he had learned early on that Shepard's skin was not as tough as turian plating. Those fingers of hers though were far more nimble than his own; Shepard smirked to see his eyelids flickering when her calloused fingertips slowly traced down to the familiar slit in his armor, slipping inside to coax and tease him relentlessly.

"My turn." Garrus rumbled, talons tracing up the curve of her spine delicately until she shuddered at the sensation.

Shepard chuckled, "'Bout damn time, Vakarian. Thought you might be waiting for an engraved invitation."

This. This was natural, the permission he'd been needing, and it instantly set him at ease. Shepard sighed softly as he traced a steady circle around her aureole, rocking her against him with one hand gripping her hip firmly to guide her. Shepard had the advantage- she'd managed to steal a few extra moments while he had wallowed in uncertainty- but he knew every one of her tells, every sigh, every glance, every unwitting twitch; humans were delightfully expressive creatures and their body language was far less subtle than they liked to believe.

He knew what she intended when her wrist shifted just so, taking him in hand and stroking firmly until it was all he could do to keep his blunt talons from bruising her flesh, he knew from her hitching breath when his palm moved from her hip to abdomen that he had found one of her myriad sensitivities, and he knew from the way she writhed that even she had some doubt as to whom would emerge the victor.

Garrus knew for a fact that it would be her; it had been foolish of him to assume Shepard understood what, to a turian, would be obvious. Now that she knew she had every intention of seeing to it he knew his place in their domestic hierarchy.

He wasn't quite resigned to it, though. It had been difficult to work his way to this point and he would not surrender it willingly. Garrus waited until he could feel her settling, thumb pad finding his sensitive slit to smear the wetness there until he growled with desperation; her every move bespoke complacency. He shifted suddenly, catching her wrist and knee to force her to her back once more. Shepard kicked unconsciously as his rough palms caught her knees, hooking them over his shoulders until she was bared to him.

He winced as her head connected with the floor, falling back at the first touch of his tongue to her sensitive folds. "Sneak." It was half-jesting, half serious and he knew there would be a price to pay later.

"Any advantage, Shepard."

"Remember that later." Shepard ground her teeth together unconsciously when that clever tongue slipped into her, a little too rough and yet just right. She clenched her jaw, fingers finding his fringe unerringly and digging in there. Fuck, at this rate, she was doomed. When the hell had he decided to press his advantage?

When the hell had she allowed him to? "Garrus." She panted, stifling a strained laugh when he slowed, obviously listening for her surrender. "Please, Garrus."

Garrus rose up her body slowly, tongue circling her navel absently while those talons followed the curve of her waist to play over her ribcage distractingly.

"Garrus." She whined.

"Yes?" Too smug, she decided.

"Any advantage." With a neat twist she reversed their positions, but knew it couldn't last long. He had nearly finished her once, and she had no intention of allowing him the opportunity until she was certain this game had been decided in her favor.

She leaned down to press her mouth nearer to him, hot breath tickling his skin, "As soon as we get back to that ship, I'm pulling out your cuffs and chaining you to that bed. You'll have to beg me very nicely to take them off. And I won't do it. Not until I'm through with you." Garrus groaned and she knew it was nearly over. One calloused hand slipped down to find his length, sheathing it in a smooth, practiced motion. Those wicked teeth clamped into her flesh once more and she felt the skin give beneath it, reveling in the slight pain; she took it as her due, knowing that regardless of what he or anyone else thought, she belonged as much to him as he did to her.

Her own teeth sank one final time into the flesh of his neck, too blunt to pierce the flesh but leaving a bruise she laved tenderly even as she rocked against him roughly, determined to coax out a final admission of willing surrender.

His hand found her clit, circling tauntingly, and it was too much after all. She stiffened and writhed, but try as she might she could not stop her release from overtaking her. Garrus gasped, following immediately after, bucking up into her until she thought she might be too sensitive to bear even another moment, then pushing it that small moment beyond. She fell against him, resting forehead to forehead, hips still splayed over him obscenely, elbows propped on either side to support her weight.

"I call for another round. That one was rigged."

Garrus drew a few more deep breaths before answering, "If you can think this soon, I'd say another round is called for." His talon had already begun tracing lazy circles about her clit, careful not to overstimulate her, but she could feel the familiar lust building once more.

"Let me make something clear; you're Turian rules might say you're in charge or something, but you _married_ a human. Means equality, Vakarian. We can-"

"I think you're just angry because you lost." Garrus smirked playfully, mandibles flickering in a gesture she had come to realize was an indication of humor."We could call it a practice round."

"Your CO wasn't done speaking. We can play these games as much as you like in private, just so long as you understand that I _will_ have my say, and I _am_ your CO, damn it. That means taking orders even when they don't really suit you, clear?"

Garrus huffed softly, "I reserve the right to argue and occasionally make pissy comments you may not appreciate."

Shepard snorted, "Of course, just so long as you understand the only reason you're getting away with it is because I love you to distraction. Even when you're being a nitwit."

"Hm. Shepard?"

"Yeah?"

"I make a motion that we move the proceedings to your cabin; I'll give you the cuffs for a handicap."

"Done."

"And Shepard?"

Shepard shuddered as one blunt talon edged into her, "Yeah?" She was proud of how very even her voice sounded under duress.

"Love you too."

"_Obviously_."

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Wow. This chapter took so much longer than it should have; suddenly I just seem to be smut-blocked. Plot works fine, smut takes days.

Anyways, one final chapter to go, which shall be posted tomorrow come Hell or High Water.


	8. Epilogue

Shepard examined her reflection critically in the burnished steel of a crate, wincing as her hand drifted over the small scores in her suit. "Hindsight twenty-twenty- it might have been better to discuss this aboard the Normandy. In fact, it might have been better to have an actual discussion at all."

"Not half as much fun, though." Garrus chirped.

Shepard hummed noncommittally, raking him with a sharp eye. "You're going to have some very pretty bruises, Garrus. I think it might be best to restrict future activities to a soft bed."

"Wise as ever, Shepard."

"Don't be a smart-ass." Her eyes lit up again, lips twisting mischievously. "Nobody likes a sore loser, and best two out of three, you said."

Garrus nodded agreeably; truth be told he was in far too good of a mood to argue just now, even if Shepard seemed to be under the mistaken impression that Turian domestic dynamics remained static.

Shepard's mood shifted back to annoyance as she checked her comm. "No one has contacted me since we came down. I'm not sure if we should be practicing our story or try a more honest approach."

"Whatever you think."

"You're being entirely too agreeable; it's making me nervous."

"Give me a few hours-"

"You have a few minutes. We're heading back to the Normandy where I intend to have a very serious discussion with Joker concerning betting habits. Then I have an apology to make to Kelly, an admission to Miranda and a few choice words to say to Jacob."

Garrus frowned, "I don't take your meaning, Shepard."

"Joker's taken up a side job as bookie. Everyone's put credits on who wears the pants in this relationship, and since I can't collect, I'm going to make hell for anyone else who tries."

Spirits, humans were strange little creatures; obsessed with privacy and personal possession yet entirely too inquisitive and bold to hold it for any amount of time. There was really only one way to handle this; "I'll take Joker-"

"Nope. I'm reserving that pleasure for myself; you can watch if you keep a healthy distance. Ideally we should make this a team effort, but I'll give you Lorik since you're the one that made such a show when we saw him last."

Garrus considered for a few moments, thinking back to Tali's laughter and Shepard's temper, Lorik's frankly confused look…

"Fine." He tried to shrug nonchalantly, but failed miserably. No matter how this panned out, it would be plenty embarrassing for both of them.

He offered a mockingly courteous arm and Shepard elbowed him in retaliation, just stifling her wince when her elbow came in contact with his armor.

"Here we go."

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"Ah, hell. Here we go, folks. Shepard's on her way back, practically knocking down the door. Battle stations!" Joker's tone was only half joking; Jack had returned a couple hours ago with the warning that Shepard knew everything. He could practically hear the capitals in her words. Psycho that she was, she'd been laughing the whole time.

EDI, of course, had opted to remain silent when he asked her how Shepard could possibly have known. Barring supernatural intervention- entirely possible where Shepard was concerned- it could only have been EDI that leaked the information. Her ongoing silence had cemented that suspicion; Joker hoped she was having a good laugh, or whatever AI equivalent there was, he was going to disconnect her as soon as it was convenient. For certain, this time.

By the time Shepard and Garrus exited the airlock, gazes locking on his unprotected form in tandem, everyone that had been in the CIC had found a perfectly acceptable reason to be elsewhere. Even Kelly seemed to have abandoned her post, and he had thought that would only happen on Doomsday.

It might not be far off the mark.

Shepard looked positively friendly if anything, but Garrus looked… pissed. And if he could read that expression on the turian's face it had to be true.

"Joker. I was just saying to Garrus that I wanted to speak with you. Alone. Lo and behold, we are alone. You been up to anything lately that you think I should know, Joker?"

"I borrowed a houseplant from hydroponics?"

"Something a little bigger maybe?" Garrus growled.

"You know, Shepard. The odds were with you the whole way."

"That's what I thought. Not so much with you, though. This is the closest you have ever come to being spaced, Joker. Savor the feeling. You can spend our next shore leave running a systems diagnostics on the Normandy without EDI's help. You can also turn over your portion of the winnings to Kelly."

"Hmm. I bet against you. Do I still win?"

"If surrendering your extranet privileges until I say otherwise constitutes a victory, then yes. You win."

"Damn it, Commander. I feel like some punk kid-"

"Good. It's time you finally felt your age. Thank EDI for me when you two are speaking again."

"We're _never_ speaking again."

"You say that now, but after three days without the extranet-just when the insanity begins to set in- you might change your mind." Garrus smirked.

Joker found one thing to be grateful for; at least Shepard had been in a forgiving mood.

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Garrus nudged Shepard hard enough that she stumbled slightly before catching herself on the door-jamb as they exited the CIC.

"That didn't go too bad."

"Went a lot better for him than I intended. Maybe I should ask EDI to delete his porn stash; it took him _years_ to collect it."

Garrus snorted, "He has to have something to do while he's banned from the net, it'll mean less trouble if you give a little."

"Very little." Shepard grumbled, "Since everyone else seems to have spontaneously disappeared we'll check crew's quarters and see if we can't find Kelly. She tried to warn me about you." She winked teasingly and Garrus mock-glowered.

They stopped before the doors to the crew's quarters, waiting expectantly for the doors to open. Nothing. Garrus glanced to Shepard from the corner of his eye, and with a resigned look she keyed in an override.

And immediately wished she hadn't.

Kelly bolted from a lower bunk, scrambling to pull the blankets about her form; a very frazzled-looking Jacob quickly tossed her a coat he had snatched from the ground, pulling her back to him again.

"Commander! We weren't expe-"

"I can see that. I'm just going to go, and we can catch up later. Joker has a gift for you, Kelly. Jacob, my quarters after supper. We need to talk." Shepard did her best to look absolutely everywhere except the ship's shrink and her new paramour, both gaping in disbelief.

"Also, comm systems remain on _in all sectors_, at all times. We're not even going to discuss locking down crew quarters for personal use. Fuck. Sorry, leaving."

Shepard hurried out, locking the doors despite her words. That would take some processing; perhaps by the time Jacob presented himself at her quarters she would have enough presence of mind to twit him about it.

"That was… odd." Garrus rumbled.

"Abs." Shepard murmured, absent-minded.

"What?"

"I did _not_ see that coming. When did that happen? Did you see that coming?" Garrus' glare said the thoughtless comment was not forgotten, but they could address that later. He really ought to know by now that she'd take his pretty blue peepers and dry humor over anything else.

"Who's next?"

"Tali, Miranda, Chakwas… Joker has the heading for Noveria; you should prepare for Lorik. I'm not going to let you weasel out of it."

Hm. Now would be as good a time as any to show Shepard that domestic relations should be dynamic. Beginning with convincing her to reconsider her whole stance on Lorik Qui'n.

He leaned into her ear, pressing his mouth there to whisper in that way he knew would have her on edge immediately.

"I have a better idea."

"What's that?" Her tone had already changed to something sultry and teasing. Garrus chuckled despite himself, mandibles teasing her sensitive skin.

"Let's forget Tali and the others for now and see about a shower."

"I know what you are up to and I will not be fooled."

"I think you should leave the rest of the crew to me and rendezvous with Lorik on your own. Show him you're still Commander Shepard."

"That much hasn't changed." Shepard stopped in the hallway just outside the elevator, watching him from beneath heavy-lidded eyes. "I still think I'd prefer to watch you slink in and explain the misunderstanding, but I'm always open for discussion."

With a smooth motion she couldn't quite track, he pinned her to the wall and ghosted his tongue over the shadow of the bruise just showing under her suit. "Allow me to explain, then."

He knew that with patience she would eventually see it his way, all it took was a little persuasion.

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This all took much longer than expected, and became quite a bit more light-hearted than I originally intended. My apologies for taking so long, but thank you to everyone who read and/or reviewed. I hope you enjoyed!


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